Self-Regulation
As parents/caregivers we have all witnessed our children experiencing big emotions at some point. Sometimes these big emotions can be overwhelming for our child (and us as parents) and lead to various thoughts and behaviours. The American Psychological Association defines self-regulation as “the control of one’s behaviour through self-monitoring, self-control, and self-reinforcement.” The APA continues to say that “people with good self-regulation skills are able to assess whether their behaviour is appropriate and can redirect themselves as needed.” Lisa Dion (a well-known play therapist and author) looks at self-regulation as the connection to self. It is an awareness of what is happening for you and being able to be with your emotions. Therefore, Dion says that when we are regulated, we can connect to ourselves while we are having big emotions.
When our children are having these big emotions and we ourselves are having big emotions, we as parents/caregivers can help our children regulate and connect to themselves by modeling strategies. Our children are very observant, and they learn a lot by watching us. For example, when we as a parent/caregiver are feeling frustrated, we can say in front of our child, “I am feeling frustrated right now, I’m going to take a deep breath.” Or when the child is escalating, we can say, “I’m feeling your frustration, I’m going to move my body.” This allows the child to feel validated and connected while learning strategies to be with their emotions.
Here is a link to a great short video from Lisa Dion about the importance of modeling regulation: https://youtu.be/UdxvWCo-dnQ?si=REg_ELk-9rV13Lcr
Lisa Dion’s website is also filled with free parenting resources, and she also has a great blog and podcast as well. Here is the link: https://lisa-dion.com/
One way that I like to talk to kids about big emotions is through the imagery of a jar filled with water, glue, and sparkles. When we shake up the jar the sparkles start to move quickly and get mixed up. This is much like our brains when we are having big emotions. However, if we watch the sparkle jar and take the time to sit with our emotions, we notice that they begin to settle. Below is a recipe to make your own sparkle jar and a link to a video relating our brain to the sparkle jar.
Recipe for Sparkle Bottles
Get a jar with a lid (I use the tall plastic bottles from Michaels)
Pour in one glitter glue stick of your choice
Pour in a ¼ bottle of clear glue into the bottle
Fill the bottle with warm/hot water to almost the top of the bottle
Add coloured glitter of your choice
Shake vigorously until the glitter glue and sparkles mix