To wrap up our series on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) strategies, we are circling back to the heart of it all: the caregiver. We’ve discussed at length how we can support our children, but it’s just as important to reflect on how our own behaviours impact their progress. The way we handle challenges affects not only our child’s treatment but also the overall family well-being. This final post on the subject offers tips that will empower you to continue your healing journey with fewer bumps along the way.
Watch Out for Ways You Reinforce Anxiety
Parents often inadvertently reinforce their child’s anxiety through safety behaviours.
Excessive Reassurance: Constantly reassuring your child can prevent them from learning to manage their own anxiety. Instead, encourage them to use coping strategies they’ve learned in therapy.
- Try replacing, “Don’t worry. Everything will be ok,” with “What can you tell yourself to feel better about this?” (Realistic Thinking).
Participating in Rituals: Engaging in your child’s anxiety-driven rituals or routines can reinforce their fears. Gradually reducing participation in these rituals can help them break the cycle.
- If your child insists on checking the door multiple times before bed, gradually reduce your participation by saying, “I’ve checked it once. You can handle it from here” (Exposure: The Brave Chart).
Avoidance: Avoiding situations that cause anxiety can provide short-term relief but increases anxiety in the long run. Encourage gradual exposure to feared situations to build resilience.
- If your child is afraid of dogs and avoids parks, start by walking by parks with dogs at a distance and slowly get closer over time (Exposure: The Fear Ladder).
Be Consistent
Consistency is crucial in managing anxiety.
Follow the Same Approach: Make sure everyone involved in the child’s life understands and follows the same strategies to avoid mixed messages.
- Agree on a unified response to anxiety-provoking situations. For example, a child will get confused if one parent allows avoidance and the other doesn’t.
Set Clear Expectations: Consistent expectations help the child feel secure and understand what is expected of them.
- Create a family rule such as, “We face our fears,” and consistently encourage and support each other in this.
Create Structure and Allow the Child Some Control
A structured environment provides stability, but it’s also important to give your child a sense of control.
Routine: Establish regular routines for daily activities.
- For instance, homework time could be set from 4 to 5 PM every day.
Choices: Allow your child to make decisions appropriate for their age, which fosters independence and confidence.
- Let your child choose their outfit for the day or pick between two activities for the weekend.
Watch Out for Modelling Anxiety
Children often mimic their parents’ behaviours, but there are ways to avoid passing on anxiety.
Face Your Own Fears: Demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms for managing your own anxiety.
- If you are afraid of public speaking, take a course or practice speaking in small groups to show your child you are working on your fears.
Calm Presence: Maintain a calm and reassuring demeanor, especially in stressful situations.
- Practice deep breathing or mindfulness exercises and encourage your child to join you, showing them how to stay calm under stress.
Strike a Balance Between Support/Validation and Overprotecting
It’s essential to support your child while encouraging independence.
Validation: Acknowledge their fears without enabling them.
- When your child expresses fear about a school presentation, say, “I understand that you’re nervous. How can we prepare together to help you feel more confident?”
Encourage Reasonable Risk-Taking: Support your child in trying new experiences and taking manageable risks.
- If your child is hesitant to try a new sport, attend a trial session together to show support without pushing too hard.
Get Them Trying New Things and Making Decisions Regularly
Regularly engaging in new activities can help your child build confidence.
New Experiences: Introduce new hobbies or activities gradually.
- Enroll them in a cooking class or a science club to explore new interests.
Decision-Making: Involve your child in decision-making processes to enhance their problem-solving skills.
- Let your child plan a family outing, from choosing the location to deciding the activities.
Get Involved in Their Treatment
Parental involvement is critical in the success of CBT. There are also many online resources that can help you in your journey:
Attend Sessions: Sit in on therapy sessions when invited by the therapist to understand the techniques being used.
Practice at Home: Reinforce therapeutic techniques and coping strategies in daily life.
- For instance, if your child is working on exposure to social situations, arrange playdates or social gatherings to practice these skills. If your child enjoys animation, relatable shorts like the one below from Anxiety Canada may help you get the conversation started.
Anxious Kids Often Have Anxious Parents
Understand that anxiety can be hereditary or learned.
Acknowledge: Reflect on your own anxiety patterns and discuss them with a therapist if necessary.
Seek Help: If you notice that your anxiety is impacting your parenting, consider seeking therapy or joining a support group.
Be Careful About Projecting
Projection can exacerbate your child’s anxiety.
Stay Present: Focus on the current situation rather than projecting your fears or past experiences onto your child.
- When your child is anxious about a test, avoid saying, “I was always bad at tests too.” Instead, focus on their unique strengths and challenges.
Mindful Communication: Avoid discussing your child’s fears with others in their presence, as this can heighten their anxiety.
Create Your Own Managing Anxiety Plan (MAP)
Self-care for parents is essential, especially when supporting a child with anxiety. CBT-based strategies can help you manage your own stress and model healthy behaviours for your child.
Identify and Challenge Negative Thoughts
If you think, “I’m a terrible parent because my child is anxious,” challenge this by listing all the ways you support and help your child. Reframe the thought to, “I am a dedicated parent working hard to support my child’s well-being.” Realistic Thinking is one of the key tools we explored. Remember that all of the strategies we cover on this site can apply to anyone, no matter the age.
Behavioural Activation
This is a treatment approach that focuses on helping individuals engage in activities that are aligned with their values and that can help reduce symptoms of depression and other mood disorders. Schedule enjoyable activities that you might have been avoiding due to stress. This could be a hobby, a coffee date with a friend, or a family outing. Engaging in positive activities can improve your mood and reduce anxiety.
Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques
Practice mindfulness meditation for 10 minutes each morning. Use grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method to stay present during stressful moments.
Develop a Support System
Join a parenting support group where you can share experiences and strategies. This can provide emotional support and practical advice from others in similar situations. Cameray Child & Family Services provides counselling, parenting programs, child development support, crisis assistance, and community outreach to strengthen families and enhance their quality of life.
Set Realistic Goals and Expectations
Break down tasks into manageable steps and celebrate small successes. Instead of expecting to eliminate your child’s anxiety overnight, focus on gradual progress and consistent effort.
Replace self-critical thoughts with affirmations like, “I am doing my best, and it’s okay to ask for help,” or, “I am capable of supporting my child through this.”
Professional Support
If managing your anxiety feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional. For further guidance, consider the following resource:
- Confident Parents: Thriving Kids (3-12): This CBT-based program, developed by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), offers coaching and resources for parents to help their children manage anxiety and behavioural challenges. Available through referral.
Managing anxiety is a deeply personal and ongoing journey. As we conclude our 10-part CBT series, remember that the key to success lies in the reciprocal relationship between caregivers and children. By recognizing the profound impact of our behaviours and committing to self-care and mindfulness, we model healthy habits and create a foundation of resilience and trust. These strategies are tools for both our children and ourselves, fostering an environment where everyone can thrive. Our consistent efforts can transform our families, equipping us and our children with the confidence and support needed to face challenges together. Thank you for joining us on this journey toward growth, understanding, and emotional well-being ❤️.