Thoughts are constantly abuzz in the busy hive of a child’s mind. These thoughts, whether positive, negative, or neutral, play a significant role in shaping their feelings and actions. Learning to navigate these thoughts is essential for their emotional well-being. One powerful tool for this is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), particularly the practice of Realistic Thinking, often represented by Red and Green Thoughts where the latter help cultivate Realistic Thinking habits, leading to a brighter, more balanced outlook on life.
Understanding Realistic Thinking
Imagine a triangle where thoughts, feelings, and behaviours intersect. This is the cornerstone of CBT. Our thoughts influence our emotions, which in turn affect our actions. Automatic thoughts, those rapid and often unconscious thoughts that arise in response to situations, play a crucial role in this process. Realistic Thinking challenges negative or unrealistic automatic thoughts and replaces them with more balanced ones. Here’s how it works:
Situation: Walking down the street, you see a dog without a leash.
Red Thought: “That dog is going to bite me.”
Green Thought: “The dog is probably friendly because they’re off a leash.”
By shifting from a fearful Red Thought to a more neutral or positive Green Thought, we can achieve a more realistic interpretation of the situation.
Challenging Red Thoughts
Our minds have a tendency to generate negative or unrealistic thoughts, which can lead to feelings of fear, worry, or stress. Children need to be taught that not all thoughts are facts. We can challenge these Red Thoughts by being the “Boss of Our Minds.” Here’s how:
Example Red Thought: “They didn’t invite me over because they hate me.”
Challenge the Thought: Encourage your child to question the validity of their thought. Are there alternative explanations?
- “They always invite me to play or hang out otherwise.”
- “We enjoy each other’s company.”
- “Maybe they only invited group members for a project, so it’s not related to me.”
- “I’ll invite them over to hang out at my house later.”
Replace with Green Thoughts: Help your child replace the negative thought with a more helpful or neutral one. This reframing can alleviate distress and promote resilience.
- “I can invite them over to my house another time.”
- “Maybe they didn’t realize I wanted to hang out. I’ll let them know next time.”
When a child refuses help in changing their way of thinking, it can be challenging for parents to navigate. If that is your case, try to engage in interactive and playful activities that indirectly promote positive thinking. For example, playing games that require problem-solving or storytelling can encourage children to think more flexibly and positively about different situations. Children also often learn by observing their parents’ behaviour, so if you find them struggling to find the solutions, model positive thinking and problem-solving skills and share how you would handle a challenge.
Practicing Realistic Thinking and Self-Compassion
Like any skill, Realistic Thinking requires practice. Children may find it challenging to break the habit of negative thinking, but with consistent effort, they can rewire their thought patterns. Here’s how parents can support them:
Visual Cues: Encourage your child to imagine a red stop sign when they notice negative thoughts. This visual cue can remind them to pause and challenge their thinking. If your child has trouble recognizing a negative thought, help them identify signs that indicate they might be having a Red Thought. Encourage them to notice physical sensations like a racing heartbeat, tense muscles, or a knot in their stomach, which could signal negative thoughts. Additionally, ask them to pay attention to changes in their mood, such as feeling sad, angry, or anxious.
Thought Records: Keep track of Red and Green Thoughts using a simple chart. Record the situation, the Red Thought, the challenge, and the Green Thought. This exercise promotes awareness and reflection. Here are some resources that may help your child break down their thoughts:
- Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre: Changing Unhealthy Thoughts
- CBT Psychology for Personal Development: Red and Green Thoughts
- CBT Psychology for Personal Development: Thought Record
Daily Practice: Incorporate Realistic Thinking into daily routines. For instance, during bedtime reflections, discuss the day’s events and encourage your child to identify Red and Green Thoughts.
In addition to challenging negative thoughts and promoting Realistic Thinking, it is also important to cultivate self-compassion, which involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in the face of difficulties or setbacks.
Encourage Kindness: Remind children to be gentle with themselves when they make mistakes or face challenges. Encourage them to speak to themselves with the same kindness they would offer to a friend in a similar situation.
Normalize Imperfection: Help children understand that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks. Emphasize that imperfection is a natural part of being human and does not diminish their worth or value.
Offer Comfort: Validate children’s feelings and offer comfort when they are experiencing distress or disappointment. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or upset, and reassure them that they are not alone.
Types of Red Thoughts
Understanding common types of Red Thoughts, which are often manifestations of cognitive distortions, can empower children to recognize and challenge negative thinking patterns effectively. These distortions are specific ways our minds tend to distort reality, often leading to exaggerated or irrational thoughts. Here are some examples:
Labeling: Applying negative labels to oneself or others based on specific behaviours or traits. For instance, calling yourself “stupid” because of a mistake you made.
All or Nothing: Seeing things in black-and-white terms, with no middle ground. For example, believing that if you’re not perfect, you’re a failure.
Overgeneralizing: Drawing broad conclusions based on limited evidence. For instance, assuming that if you failed one test, you’ll fail all future tests.
Exaggerating: Expecting the worst possible outcome in a situation. For instance, assuming that if you fail one math test, you’ll fail the entire school year or never understand math.
Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking without evidence. For example, believing that someone doesn’t like you without any indication from their behaviour.
Filtering: Disregarding positive experiences or qualities and focusing solely on the negative. For example, believing that compliments you receive are insincere.
Personalizing: Taking responsibility for events that are outside of your control. For example, blaming yourself for someone else’s bad mood.
To steer your thinking towards Red and Green Thought concepts, here are some common examples you may encounter:
Growing up can be challenging, but young minds are pliable. In the right caring hands, they can be molded into emotionally resilient children with valuable skills like mastery in Realistic Thinking. By fostering awareness, challenging negative thoughts, and promoting balanced perspectives, the next generation of children can have the tools to navigate all of life’s twists and turns with confidence and optimism.
Coming up in our 10-part series on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, we continue down this path of exploration. Next time, we’ll be shifting gears subtly from Realistic to Detective Thinking, as we tackle how to strengthen our children’s critical thinking skills. We’ll learn how to assess the situations that trouble them most and, in turn, teach them these invaluable skills.