Let Them, Let Me

Posted On January 10, 2025

Happy New Year! I hope that you had a wonderful winter break. Over the break I read the book “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. It was a very interesting read, and I personally learned a lot from the book. At the end, there are bonus chapters, and one is about connecting the Let Them Theory with parenting. This chapter was written by Mel Robbins and Dr. Stuart Albon, who is an award-winning psychologist. Dr. Albon’s main message is that kids do well if they can (this was also a term coined by Dr. Ross Greene). Kids want to be happy and succeed and to make their parents proud. Parents/caregivers also do well if they can. We are all trying the best we can with the skills that we have to raise our kids. With that in mind, when our kids are struggling, we can be present, calm, and work as a team to solve the problems together. Step 1 in the bonus parenting chapter was to give our kids more independence. This does not mean that we let our kids do whatever they want- especially when it comes to dangerous, self-indulgent, or self-destructive behaviour. It does mean that when the stakes are lower, we can let our children make their own choices ex. Clothes to wear, what activities to join, the time to do their homework etc. By offering choices and giving our children more freedom, they will become more intrinsically motivated and more independent. Step 2 in the chapter is that when problems arise, we can choose to work with our children and problem solve together. The chapter gives an example of a child not getting up and getting dressed in the morning for school. In problem solving this together you reflect to your child that they seem to be struggling to get ready for school. Then you ask your child why they think that might be happening. You then explain why the problem is a concern for you. This is when you invite the child to solve the problem as a team so that both parties are feeling like their needs are being met. This approach eliminates that power struggle that can often come with challenging problems or behaviours.

My favourite part of the chapter was the message to parents/guardians about parenting their children…

“Let Them be who they are.

Let Them have their feelings.

Let Them have their own perspectives and ideas.

Let Them have their autonomy.

Let Them try and fail.

Let Them make decisions and learn from them.

Let Them take responsibility.

Let Them practice coming up with solutions.

Let Them hold themselves accountable.”

I have written this out for myself to look back on when I am feeling struggles in my own parenting journey and to remind myself

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Albon’s work, you can find him: